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Let’s start with the obligatory “No shit, there I was” reminiscing:

It’s 2000 and I’m in Blockbuster looking to fill up my (then) VHS collection with some good movies, since I didn’t have cable at my place yet. While scrolling the bargain racks, I see a tape with two dudes pointing guns at the viewer on the cover. Come to find out it’s a little-known indie film called “The Boondock Saints,” quietly released in 1999 and quickly buried as a hot potato of guns and gore in the wake of Columbine. The presence of Willem Dafoe intrigued me, so I picked it up for $13.99. Glad I did. The movie is a cult classic in every sense of the phrase — filled with quirky, hilarious asides and metatextual ramblings that’re interspersed between the shootouts, curses, and hysterically over-the-top dialogue. If you were a LARPer in the Mid-Atlantic around that time, you saw this movie and probably met a character with the last name McManus. I even based one of my favorite PCs off the mighty “Il Duce” himself, right down to the leather derby cap and stogie. Don’t judge me.

So here we are, nine years later, and the long-awaited sequel has finally hit theaters. You don’t need me to recap the saga of writer/director/creator Troy Duffy, as the scathing documentary “Overnight” already does that. I figure it’s been a decade, and everyone deserves a second chance to make good on their potential. The real question is, do the Saints still have it? Is this a sequel worthy of the original?

Answers after the jump. MAJOR SPOILERS therein, so if you haven’t seen the movie yet or don’t want to be spoiled, don’t read any further. This is your only warning. “All Saints’ Day” isn’t just a sequel, it’s also a remake. The movie follows essentially the same structure as the first one — a terrible crime compels Irish brothers Connor and Murphy McManus to wreak bloody vengeance across Boston against the Yakavetta crime family, while a crack FBI agent and a team of bumbling Beantown police officers try to piece togethere what the Saints are up to. It’s ten years later, however, and the Saints are called back to action from their hideout in Ireland, complete with hilariously fake beards and their sage Poppa Il Duce spouting wisdom like “Peace, they say, is the enemy of memory.” When a priest is murdered in the style of the Saints’ infamous executions, it’s clear that someone wants the McManus brothers back in action.

Along for the ride is Eunice Bloom (Julie Benz), a sharp-tongued Southern FBI agent who was protege to Paul Smecker (Dafoe) and who, unlike him, has no qualms about aiding the Saints in their quest to clear their name. The whole trio of Bah-ston’s finest is along, especially Greenly (Bob Marley), who gets a whole bunch of hilarious zingers along the lines of his legendary “big friggin guys” soliloquy from the first one. Replacing poor deceased Rocco (David Della Rocco, who shows up in a dream sequence) is Romeo (Clifton Collins Jr.), a spastic Hispanic gunslinger who helps the Saints get reacclimated to Boston and tries mightily to aid his heroes as they slaughter the forces of evil. Also along for the ride is Judd Nelson(!) as the son of Yakavetta, frothing and foaming at the mouth to get revenge on the men who killed his dad. And of course, it wouldn’t be the same without Doc “FUCK! ASS!” himself.

Not only does the movie follow the structure of the first one in plot, it apes it in terms of style. We don’t see the big shootouts until after the fact, replayed by Bloom in often hilarious fashion (In one big one, she’s dressed as a six-shootin’ cowgirl for no reason we can discern). The brothers and their cohorts often pause to ask themselves about the weirdness of their situation — early on, Connor points out to Murph that it was stupid of them to shave their beards and cut their hair, because now everyone will recognize them. Before one climactic battle, Romeo takes a janitor hostage and demands that he help him come up with a good catchphrase he can yell (He ends up with “Ding dong, motherfucker!”). All the fights are in glorious slo-mo, two-gun mojo style, and though time has not been kind to the boys age-wise, especially Sean Patrick Flanery (who looks like he had some botched plastic surgery on his face), they’re clearly in shape enough to kick ass and take names.

There’s so much racism, sexism, and homophobia in the film it boggles the mind. Duffy’s homoerotic machismo male bonding schtick is on full display especially during the aforementioned Rocco dream sequence, where he and the boys make fun of anything relating to guys sharing their feelings. (I wonder if Duffy might be a little light in the loafers, actually, since the insane right-wing tough guy shtick is incredibly overplayed). Needless to say, if you’re easily offended, don’t bother seeing this film — but then again, the people who would see it aren’t that type.

Unlike the first one, “All Saints’ Day” doesn’t even pretend to care about the morality of what the Saints do. There’s no questioning if vigilantism is the right way to go or if what the Saints do is moral. No, this time it’s an all-out action/revenge fest, which, like the first one, takes a dark turn in the third act. Several beloved characters meet their demise (one in a very unexpected and abrupt fashion) and the Saints go after the mysterious mastermind behind their travails (Peter Fonda, doing an atrocious Italian accent) who shares a secret past with Poppa. The movie ends in an equally abrupt fashion, with the Saints in prison and Bloom on the run as an accomplice, ending up sucked into a conspiracy to take the Saints global thanks to the return of yet another beloved character that had the fans cheering.

Like I said before, if you’re not a fan of this sort of thing, don’t even bother seeing it. It’s not for you. That Troy Duffy was able to make this movie is testament to either persistence or the fact that God loves fools and small children. That it’s everything the first movie was, only with a budget, just makes it all the more enjoyable. If you are a fan, “Boondock Saints II: All Saints’ Day” is a worthy companion to the original, and worth seeing in the theater if it’s in your area. Here’s hoping we get a trilogy out of this soon, because I dunno if the boys could play these roles again in another ten years.